Quantum Money

I have just discovered that money has many of the properties displayed in experiments that show the wave/particle duality of matter, it can exist both as a particle (tangible) or a wave (intangible) depending on how you measure it (it can be shown mathematically that it is both until you try to measure it)

Stay with me ---

I went to Lloyds bank who explained that if a chunk of money was removed from my Halifax account into my current account at Lloyds, It could then be transferred into a ‘tracker bond’ which paid a higher interest: I agreed to this, so they arranged the transfer.

When the money finally appeared in my online banking account I went to Lloyds the next day, as instructed, and completed the transfer to the Lloyds ‘tracker bond’.

A few weeks later I had a letter from Lloyds informing me that they were charging me an overdraft fee (never had an overdraft in my life) my online account showed that it was well in surplus and always had been!

Somewhat incensed, I went to the bank and asked what the clucking bell they were up to?

After much head scratching, they explained that it must be that although the money was shown to be in my (Lloyds) account, it wasn’t really there because it hadn’t been ‘cleared’ and ‘real’ money was needed for the (Lloyds) ‘tracker bond’

So they generously (without informing me) used ‘their real money’, gave me a huge overdraft and charged me for it!!

They have agreed to cancel the overdraft charges!!

It would appear that there are two types of money; virtual money, which exists in principle, but you can’t use it and real money (tangible) which is virtual money (intangible) which has undergone a mysterious transition.

I believe that this is what caused the Worldwide Banking Crash; they were all dealing in ‘Virtual Money’ and then some stupid bastard tried to measure it and showed that due to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, less than half of it was actually there !

( Heisenberg achieved wide acclaim in scientific circles for discovering the principle that “well, you never really know”)

Bankers have some grasp of the concept and dangers of virtual money and rapidly turn it into tangible assets like Jeroboams of Champagne, BMW x5’s and holiday homes in Bermuda (this is done by using gratuitous bonuses)

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